A Conversation in Parts…Between Parts OR How your body reacts to finding out you are pregnant.

Imagine a large round table, the kind King Arthur and his men would sit around, only there are no knights at this table. This is the conference room of your body, holding a meeting with a representative for each of all your parts, having a discussion upon the announcement that you are pregnant. This is exactly what happened in the nanoseconds after I found out I was pregnant.  It went something like this…

First, let’s meet those seated at the table.

Brain – leader of all the parts with a drill sergeant attitude. While all the parts each do have a mind of their own, the job of the brain is not necessarily get them to all agree, but at least listen to all opinions and then get them all going in the same direction. Can also be described as herding cats. When push comes to shove, brain wins.

Heart – strong, ever-growing, caring, passionate, fiercely loyal, and like a mother lion or bear, has a side you really do not want to mess with. Connected to brain, but sits at the opposite side of the table to prove that Heart and Brain do not always have to agree.

Abs – representing all muscles of the body, concerned mostly with a “six-pack”, vegetables, doing work, and holding the rest of the body together. Takes their job very seriously. Wears a watch and carries a water bottle 24/7.

Project planning – a side-department of the brain, happy to be set on a project from start to finish. Knows no emotion, but will plan out a project from start to end and move on to the next task.

Romantic – while the heart takes care of immediate caring needs, Romantic has time to daydream about puppies and butterflies, and all the “what-ifs” of life. Usually annoys Project Planning and gets easily excited about things in the future. Tries not to sit next to Brain, and can be found drawing pictures and not paying attention in meetings.

Rationale – the cricket on your shoulder that reminds you about how hard you’ve worked. The voice in your head that tells you “get it, you deserve it”, but will also snap you back to reality if Romantic takes you too far down a path.

Running Shoes – represents legs, feet, and every ounce of athleticism in the body.  Has the attitude that we are wasting time at this meeting and could be outside instead. Can usually be seen carrying softball equipment.

Mrs. V – a cross between Mary Poppins and Big Mama who runs the jailhouse in Chicago. Attends meetings out of obligation and not want. Represents everything female, and has a project planner that only runs a month at a time.

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Heart: What does it say? What does it say?

Brain: Everyone calm down, we have to wait 2 minutes.

Romantic: Ooooh, can’t we go look now? I can’t stand it!

Project Planning: Hold on…okay, it says…Happy Face. We’re pregnant!

Romantic: Oh my god! We’re pregnant! A baby!

Heart: Whoo! All right, here we go! Time to start growing. Game on!

Abs: WAIT. WHAT? How did that happen so fast? We were told we’d have longer to prepare!

Project Planning: You guys wanted to be pregnant, I got us a pregnant.  Done.  Now I have a meeting with finance to figure out the next 22 years, and a contingency plan after that.

Running Shoes: WAIT A MINUTE. HELLO? How long do we have? This is going to slow us down.

Romantic: A baby! All the snuggles, the smells. A baby!!!

Rationale: (whispers to self) Oh crap. Oooooh crap.

Mrs. V: (Just now starts paying attention.) Um…hello? Did I miss a meeting? What did we plan here? What did I miss?

Romantic: Oh my god! You are going to be so excited!!! Just wait!!

Brain leans over and talks to Mrs. V about what she missed, and what her part is in this plan.

Mrs. V: (with an appalled look on her face) OH HELL NO. NO SIR.

Abs and Running Shoes: Ha! Remember when you laughed at us about how hard we worked at boot camp! You just wait!

Rationale: (whispers a little louder) Oh holy….oh crap. Are we sure? What did we do?

Abs and Running Shoes: (talking a mile a minute, with no breath in between) Wait a minute! Does this mean we can’t work out anymore? But we’ve worked so hard and for what? Now we are being punished! We’ve done nothing wrong. Do we have to stop? When can we get started again? This is going to slow us down, totally change our routine. You said to get in shape. You didn’t say we’d have to quit everything we love to do! Did you tell Softball Glove and Bat? They are going to be so mad! How are we supposed to run around with that baby growing in there? This was not explained to us. This sucks.

Brain: SILENCE! Hold it right there. Sit down.

We are not out of the woods yet. We have a lot of work to do. Nothing is definite for a long while yet, so everyone keep working hard and keep doing what you’re doing. Okay, now listen up.

Romantic – wake up. Start thinking about all the things you want Project Planning to look in to, and for heaven’s sake, stay out of everyone else’s way.

Project Planning – you now have a thousand more things to plan out. We will meet you and each representative individually to plan out what everyone needs to do. We have a 9-10 month window. Go.

Abs – your job now is to work harder than ever. Hold everything together.  You will be pushed beyond your breaking point. This is what you’ve trained your whole life to do. If you’ve trained hard enough, you will be able to bounce right back when we’re done. In the meantime, you are carrying and protecting the most precious cargo we have ever seen. Take care of it. Protect it. You also have to protect Back and Spine, and hold all the organs in. They are going to move around a bit, but keep track of them. I’m counting on you to hold it all together.  Do not go out on me.

Running Shoes – keep us moving. Now is not the time to rest. Keep us in shape. Tell Legs to keep moving. The stronger we are through this the better. And not just for now, but for after too. Get ready. You need to be strong, steady, quick, and keep us balanced. Once that baby is out, you need to stay strong, but be graceful, walk carefully with light quiet steps, and be ready to chase a baby around the house. We will be on the ground a lot. Plan for that. No excuses. Tell Glove and Bat they may have to sit for a while, but we will be back. They will also need to find properly-sized gloves and bats for the little guy, and get ready to teach all that we know. Then we can all play together.

Mrs. V – your time will come. Just hang in there. You are going to have the toughest job of all, but once it is over, you get to rest. Then the rest of us will go back to work. We’re all behind you.
(Abs and Running Shoes starting giggling again.)

Rationale – wipe that terrified look off your face.

Heart – you’re with me. We need to stay separate in our thinking and opinions, but come together to make decisions. The rest of your life just changed. You are going to need to find space. Lots of room to grow.  Plan on giving and giving so much that you start to hurt, and every now and then you will be paid back for it. Sometimes right away, sometimes not, and that’s okay. That’s part of our plan. Just get ready, because here it comes.

Abs and Running Shoes: Why are we being punished? We didn’t even get to vote on this! We don’t want to give up the fun. We were doing so well!

Brain: Are you whining? Do I hear whining? Have you not been training your whole life? What have you been training for? You’ve come back from horrible shape into what you are now. You’ve already been there once, which means you can do it again. I’m not asking you to do anything you haven’t already done.  I’m just changing the parameters…adding a challenge. Do you shy away from a challenge? We need you now more than ever. We need Hands to cradle and love, Arms to hold and give hugs, Legs to carry us where we need to go, a strong set of Shoulders to rest the world upon, and a Back the family can depend on.  We do not have room for quitters.

Abs and Running Shoes: Game on! Challenge accepted! Out of my way!

Romantic: Oooooh, can we nap first? I am sooo sleepy.

Brain: Yes, good idea. Everyone nap first, then we’ll get going.

Rationale: Oooohhhhhh crap.